"From the Perspective of the Truly Civilised, Calling Complaints About Racism ‘Disappointing’—Rather Than Engagement—is Crude, Nasty, Cowardly and Incompetent"
When individuals respond to third party testimonies about racism with disappointment, rather than inquiry or engagement, the effect is often deeply dismissive, patronizing, and racially offensive.
And more to the point: it is crude, nasty, cowardly, and incompetent.
[ They say they are disappointed because people cry out against pain ? Modern Drapetomaniacs ]
This Fails the Civilised Standard
1. It Prioritizes Comfort Over Reality
When someone says, “I’m disappointed you said that,” the sentiment usually reveals discomfort—not with racism itself, but with having to confront it. The emotional focus is redirected away from the actual harm being discussed and back onto the fragile feelings of the person in power.
This isn't dialogue. It’s deflection. It's a classic display of racist/ prejudiced/ biased/ presumptuous fragility masquerading as moral high ground.
2. It Gaslights and Invalidates
Calling a human beings honest account of ra direct experience or their very own lived reality “disappointing” implies that:
They are wrong to speak plainly.
Their experience is exaggerated or illegitimate.
They should package their pain more “respectfully” for consumption.
This is tone-policing, and when done by someone with no direct experience, it becomes a form of gaslighting. It demands silence, not understanding.......................[ There is a longstanding societal expectation—especially in white-dominated spaces—that Black people should express their pain quietly, politely, and without disturbing the status quo. When we do not, we are punished socially, professionally, or emotionally. “Disappointment” in this context is just a modern, liberal version of the same old silencing. ]
3.What Civilised Engagement Actually Looks Like
If someone truly wants to respond as a civilised human being, the steps are simple:
Listen without defensiveness.
Ask questions sincerely, without assumption or agenda.
Validate experiences, even if they challenge your worldview.
Think of your own role in the system, instead of reacting to protect your ego.
Responding to peoples direct experiences especially on a global political stage without engagement or even an attempt to debunk the claim, responding to such with -you are disappointed is crude, nasty, cowardly, and incompetent.
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