Case Study: An Idiot Starter Pack As To Why God Will Need Soldiers, An Army To Un_Alive Ancient Useless Eaters, Excess 💩 Poop & Nasty Ass Fart Makers Plus Biblical Oxygen Thieves?

 

Abstract

The study is a critique of the theological and philosophical concept of an all-powerful deity needing a mortal army. It questions the rationality of an omnipotent entity engaging in military organization among humans, with soldiers as "ancient decommissioners" of so-called "useless eaters," "excess poop makers," and "biblical oxygen thieves." 

Borrowing from parapsychology, cognitive dissonance theories, and linguistic absurdities, this article suggests that this construct is rooted in anthropocentric idiocy rather than in any sound metaphysical rationale. The discussion integrates perspectives from parapsychology, cognitive neuroscience, and absurdist existentialism to emphasize the contradictions in divine militarization.

Introduction

Visualize an omnipotent, omniscient being, limitless in power, who Surpasses the conventional boundaries of even time, space, and need. Now imagine that same being assembling a cadre of glorified primates—who are, let’s face it, historically prone to interpersonal squabbles and soaked in profound ontological dilemmas concerning purpose and self-identity—[ Major identity freakouts ] to carry out cosmic housekeeping. 

An immediate epistemic issue emerges thus contending any theological premise: What rationale could there be for a deity requiring an army? This fundamentally challenges any theological framework positing the necessity of divine agents of combat.

Does this mindset represent the quintessence of a significant epistemological contradiction, warranting inclusion in an “Introductory Compendium of Specious Reasoning”?

Historical Context and Theoretical Paradoxes

Throughout recorded history, scriptures and doctrines have portrayed God’s army as an instrument for "decommissioning" existential threats such as "ancient useless eaters," "excess poop makers," and "biblical oxygen thieves." These terms, admittedly humorous, capture the absurdity of an omniscient deity dispatching human and celestial forces to contend with ordinary beings that seem cosmically inconsequential.

From a parapsychological perspective, one might argue that the notion of divine militarization taps into what is termed collective anthropomorphic projection syndrome.

 This particular cognitive bias compels individuals to anthropomorphize their deity, projecting onto it human constraints and thus embedding structures of hierarchy, obedience, and subordinates. Paradoxically, the omniscient entity is reduced to a cosmic executive, necessitating armies in a manner reminiscent of an intergalactic CEO managing surplus “expendables.”

To elucidate the inherent incongruities further, we present twenty rigorously selected polysyllabic terms, each encapsulating a dimension of the fallacy inherent in conceiving a deity as reliant on mortal armies:

Anthropocentricism — The projection of human experiential frameworks onto divine necessities.

Ontological Redundancy — The superfluous duplication of divine potency manifest in human soldiers.

Pseudoprovidentialism — The attribution of anthropomorphic needs and deficiencies to a god.

Hyperpatriarchal Theology — The imposition of male-dominant, militaristic ideologies onto divine paradigms.

Psychosocial Mimicry — The replication of celestial hierarchy by humans as a product of cognitive dissonance.

Transcendental Incongruence — The dissonance between omnipotence and dependency on mortal agency.

Hermeneutic Inflationism — The overextension of scriptural interpretation to rationalize divine militancy.

Excrementalist Cosmology — A cosmological model absurdly centered on divine waste management.

Eschatological Militarization — The conceptualization of ultimate end-times warfare.

SemperFidelis Syndrome — The paradox of loyalty within an ostensibly self-sufficient omnipotent framework.

Dichotomous Allegorization — The reductive classification of entities as "sacred warriors" versus "unworthy existents."

Cognitive Parallax — The interpretation of divine actions through a lens of human limitation.

Epistemological Naïveté — The unsophisticated belief in the requirement of divine enforcement.

Anthroposupernaturalism — The conflation of human militarism with divine essence.

Polymorphous Ubiquity — The illogical extension of divine omnipresence through mortal embodiments.

Subaltern Symbolism — The representation of divine authority via subservient followers.

Immaterial Manifestationism — The supposed imperative for a physical army within an intangible sphere.

Excessive Theocratic Militarism — An overbearing theological emphasis on divine warfare.

Divine Delegationalism — The incongruous notion of a deity delegating universal upkeep to an army.

Systematic Deific Insecurity Complex — The absurd concept of a god afflicted with insecurities resolvable only through force.

The Parapsychological Perspective

Existentially inclined parapsychologists posit that the human brain is inherently limited in its capacity to apprehend the concept of true omnipotence. Constructs such as ontological redundancy and systematic deific insecurity complex emerge as cognitive artifacts—attempts by the human mind to reframe divine omnipotence in terms it can rationalize, however absurdly reductive these may appear. 

This view is substantiated by cognitive dissonance theory, which suggests that humanity has a predisposition toward anthropomorphizing divinity in flawed, militaristic forms, rather than confronting the existential discomfort posed by a deity that is indifferent or abstract beyond human grasp.

This phenomenon can be understood through the lens of subcognitive projectionism, which posits that individuals project their innate, fear-based ideologies onto cosmic narratives. Confronted with the vastness of the unknown universe, our cognition tends to create constructs—essentially, armies—that shape the abstract into recognizable forms. This process effectively summons celestial guardians to protect us from indeterminate threats.

The Absurdity of Exalted Primate Armies in Divine Service

Ultimately, the position of a divine #SemperFidelis brigade crumbles under even the most superficial examination. By conjuring such militaristic imagery, human societies exhibit what might be characterized as a transcendental incongruence—a refusal to confront the absurdity inherent in mobilizing corporeal beings for divine purposes.

An omnipotent deity does not require a battalion of primates armed with symbolic tridents to address cosmic dilemmas, just as a solar flare does not necessitate a matchstick for its ignition.

 If we, as exalted primates, remain oblivious to this truth, it may well be that the true “oxygen thieves” of the universe are those who persistently impose human limitations on issues we can't comprehend.

To the theologians and proponents of celestial militarization, my question: 

Why dafuq would God, need a "SemperFidelis" army?  

Why would a deity, capable of effortlessly manifesting and obliterating existence, necessitate a "SemperFidelis" army?

The answer lies not in divine necessity but in human idiocy—a truth as plain as it is comically, irrevocably absurd.  If we, as exalted primates, remain oblivious to this truth, it may well be that the true “oxygen thieves” of the universe are those who persistently impose human limitations on issues we can't comprehend.

[ Olofin/ 4Qua Of OrioN ]