Snoop Dancing at Trump's Party is My Evidence of Why the Japanese Tradition of Seppuku—Ritual Suicide to Preserve Honor—Never Took Hold in Africa. HAHAHA

 

Let’s be real: canceling Snoop Dogg over performing at Trump’s social event—after previously calling his supporters “jigaboo-ass niggas”—ain’t enough to make me write him off. Not in 2025. 

Not when we, the alchemists that we are, must transmute every perceived negative into a gleaming nugget of cosmic comedy.

First, let’s talk about what really matters: that DJ-less one-man gig. Seeing Snoop cheerfully grooving behind the decks, spinning his own beats like some kind of low-budget Funkmaster Flex, unlocked a deep memory for me.

 If you grew up with a pack of local friends, you know exactly the type I’m about to describe.

There was always that one dude—the toughest talker in the squad, the guy who made every fight sound like the opening scene of Gladiator. The one who swore he was about to throw down at any given moment, hyping up the beef like it was pay-per-view. But when the fists really started flying?

 He somehow turned into the mediator, the voice of reason, the guy waving his hands going, “Yo, chill! Chill!”

Snoop is that dude. He saw the so-called enemy, looked into their soft, wrinkled, all-too-human faces, and thought, Damn… they just like us. And boom—before you know it, he’s playing records at the inauguration after-party like it’s a West Coast block party.

Now, contrast this with the ancient Japanese tradition of seppuku—ritual suicide to preserve honor. That right there is a cultural concept that never stood a chance in Africa. 

You mean to tell me that some elder in a Nigerian village was supposed to suggest, “Ah, yes, if you bring shame to your family, simply plunge this ceremonial dagger into your gut and die with dignity”? Man, they would’ve chased that elder clean out the village, barefoot, while roasting him in six different dialects.

This is probably why ancient Japanese from 2,000 years ago look like Jamaicans in those random Facebook memes. 

You get it? No? 

That’s alright, some of y’all might need a couple more decades before you fully digest these layers. Come back in 10-20 years and reread this piece—see if it hits different.

Because if history has shown us anything, it’s that Black folks don’t do ritual suicide. The only time you see mass Black death en masse like that is when somebody else is holding the gun. Take Jim Jones’ Jonestown massacre in Guyana. Folks love to say they “drank the Kool-Aid,” but do you know how many of us were shot in the back while trying to run into the bush the second Jim Jones said, kill yourself?

It’s not in our nature. And maybe, just maybe, this is why the aliens whispered to me in my early years that they were the real Sumerians—the same ones we read about. Makes sense, don’t it? Nah, maybe not yet. But sit with it. Expand your lens.

So, what’s the takeaway here? That we shouldn’t cancel Snoop? 

That enough, nuff/ most of the aliens are fuggin Black? 

That Black people are evolutionary experts at survival and comedy? Yes. All of the above. 

And if you still don’t get it… well, check back in a decade. I promise, it’ll all make sense by then.